This morning I am going to take a little bit of time to thank God for my family, friends and the friends that feel like family. God has blessed me with some amazing people and I need to recall these memories with a glad heart, not a bitter one because I'm so far from them now. I need to make a better effort at keeping in touch and not ruining the relationships God blessed me with in Florida and in Boston.
I have so many amazing memories of roadtrips with anna, amanda and mandi. beach and lazy days with steph and casey. lounging around the house with dd, dakota, abby and mandi. having lunch with boo and helping her and tim move in to their new place. oh and dance parties at their house. pool parties at the gesners and 4th of july memories with the williams, martins, gesners and dakota. i miss hanging with carly on her couch and having pool parties.
Lord, I know that you are constantly in the process f having me live out your will for my life and the last thing i want to do is be bitter while you do this. I'm sorry for the ways I have blamed you for taking me from my friends, but I am so thankful for the new memories you have given me. I pray for Maike, Lord. Please help sue me or someone at TC to help bring her to know you. Lord I pray for all the girls in my group, and pray that they are having fun, rich, memory filled summers. Lord I pray for Amy and her wedding. I pray against stress and anxiety and I pray she would be hopeful about marriage. Excited and ready to serve Alex and love him.
Lord, I ask for you to invade my thoughts and emotions and help me think wholly and peacefully. I pray against negative emotions, sad emotions, and angry/bitter emotions. I pray that I would see these people and NYC with your eyes, eyes of love and of true grace.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Family Longings
I'm reading this devotional book by shauna neiquist called "Savor" and it's pretty good, but can easily be geared more towards a married woman with kids... and not really someone who lives in the city. the devo today was her talking about how she wants to be the kind of person who wants to be around her parents often, for her parents to be around her kids often, and also to be around for her siblings. She asked us to think about the last time we made space for deep encounters with family.
isn't this everyone's perfect dream? Who wouldn't want this? I think the devotional for me today is to continue to submit to praying for my biological family and the people I consider family in a way that doesn't seem prideful. I still get my feelings so hurt over who does and doesn't keep in touch with me and who says they'll call and doesn't. so when I think about them, I have ill feelings, emotionally sad feelings usually. and as much as I want to be there with them, i'm also glad that I'm not and I trust god's plan for me here.
for my biological family, lord today i pray for brandon. god he believes he is fine, and i really don't think there is much to "correct" about his lifestyle except for all the ways he doesn't glorify you. with his words, the ways he treats people, his money, his drinking and drug issues. he is a good kid who needs to grow up and travel. more then anything he needs to get to know you. he needs to know what this life is supposed to be about and start living it.
lord i also pray for my parents. I pray that you help bring them closer together in their faith. it has got to be hard on my mom for her to see my dad always be the one in the limelight. i think she would say she's fine with it, that he can have it all because it lets her do her own thing, but i think that is a lazy cop out. my mom is so sweet and personable and friendly and i pray lord that you help my dad envelope her in the things that he's a part of and i know this includes you also softening her heart to say yes to the invitation.
lord i pray that you use me and my parents and Pop in whatever way possible to help bring Mom to a loving faith in you alone. i think education has steered her in the wrong direction and she needs to know that above all information to be found and read, there is a saving faith in you alone that all of her other rituals and religions can't offer.
lord, for my friends back home, I forgive them. I ask for forgiveness also for not keeping in very good touch with them, with Boo and Abby and the Whatleys and those. I forgive Mandi for not keeping her word over and over again. I forgive Brittany Wheeler for saying one thing and acting another way towards me. lord i ask that you forgive me for blaming you for this sometimes too. for blaming you when it's hard and when people don't pursue a relationship with me. I ask for mercy, a lot of love and even more grace to continue to get used to this. please help me change my perspective if that's what needed.
and lastly lord, I thank you SO much for Maggie and Dave. Dave is such an amazing hard worker and I know this is a huge adjustment for him also. he is handling it so well and i pray that you help us get into the swing of things, even if it means i lead the whole 'getting up early thing'. and lord, you are so perfect in all of your ways and you have blessed me with maggie. my dear friend from high school that I didn't keep in touch with well. she's living up here with her husband brian who is a lawyer and she has a precious 2 year old son Jude. we had dinner with them las night and dave and brian got along great. maggie is so sweet and I am so thankful for her being here and for us reconnecting.
lord, you are so good. I trust you completely with everything. our friends, our lonely time, our work, our school, our finances and our health. everything. you are the giver and the taker of life and i promise this week will be different. we will wake up, eat breakfast, watch news, do bible study and get an early start to our day.
isn't this everyone's perfect dream? Who wouldn't want this? I think the devotional for me today is to continue to submit to praying for my biological family and the people I consider family in a way that doesn't seem prideful. I still get my feelings so hurt over who does and doesn't keep in touch with me and who says they'll call and doesn't. so when I think about them, I have ill feelings, emotionally sad feelings usually. and as much as I want to be there with them, i'm also glad that I'm not and I trust god's plan for me here.
for my biological family, lord today i pray for brandon. god he believes he is fine, and i really don't think there is much to "correct" about his lifestyle except for all the ways he doesn't glorify you. with his words, the ways he treats people, his money, his drinking and drug issues. he is a good kid who needs to grow up and travel. more then anything he needs to get to know you. he needs to know what this life is supposed to be about and start living it.
lord i also pray for my parents. I pray that you help bring them closer together in their faith. it has got to be hard on my mom for her to see my dad always be the one in the limelight. i think she would say she's fine with it, that he can have it all because it lets her do her own thing, but i think that is a lazy cop out. my mom is so sweet and personable and friendly and i pray lord that you help my dad envelope her in the things that he's a part of and i know this includes you also softening her heart to say yes to the invitation.
lord i pray that you use me and my parents and Pop in whatever way possible to help bring Mom to a loving faith in you alone. i think education has steered her in the wrong direction and she needs to know that above all information to be found and read, there is a saving faith in you alone that all of her other rituals and religions can't offer.
lord, for my friends back home, I forgive them. I ask for forgiveness also for not keeping in very good touch with them, with Boo and Abby and the Whatleys and those. I forgive Mandi for not keeping her word over and over again. I forgive Brittany Wheeler for saying one thing and acting another way towards me. lord i ask that you forgive me for blaming you for this sometimes too. for blaming you when it's hard and when people don't pursue a relationship with me. I ask for mercy, a lot of love and even more grace to continue to get used to this. please help me change my perspective if that's what needed.
and lastly lord, I thank you SO much for Maggie and Dave. Dave is such an amazing hard worker and I know this is a huge adjustment for him also. he is handling it so well and i pray that you help us get into the swing of things, even if it means i lead the whole 'getting up early thing'. and lord, you are so perfect in all of your ways and you have blessed me with maggie. my dear friend from high school that I didn't keep in touch with well. she's living up here with her husband brian who is a lawyer and she has a precious 2 year old son Jude. we had dinner with them las night and dave and brian got along great. maggie is so sweet and I am so thankful for her being here and for us reconnecting.
lord, you are so good. I trust you completely with everything. our friends, our lonely time, our work, our school, our finances and our health. everything. you are the giver and the taker of life and i promise this week will be different. we will wake up, eat breakfast, watch news, do bible study and get an early start to our day.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Summer House
Well, I haven't written since September of 2014 and I titled that one "settling in". Seems like a theme has developed of us constantly settling in to new places, because today as I write, we are settling in to a place. It's almost as if God is saying "JK!! Don't get comfortable". Which is fine, but sometimes can create a false sense of stability. Maybe I need to just start finding my stability more in God.
Lately my relationship with the Lord has felt very dreamy. And by dreamy I don't mean pretty and fantasy like, but I reminisce on how our relationship used to be and I long for it again. I'm not exactly sure whats holding me back from the whole waking up early, being healthy, quiet time old version of myself, but it's taking a lot more disciple to do it now then it did back then. Maybe because I'm on auto pilot and I feel fine and I'm not in need or want and I just am not in a place where I feel like I need to be closer to the Lord. Which is so horrible. and so lukewarm and probably disgusts jesus.
when in reality i have so much i need to draw closer to him about.
the salvation of my brother
my health and preparation of my body for a baby
katey and patrick - katey's health and pat's job
dan and rach going to angola
my parent's relationship
daves job
my future
right now I feel distracted because dave turned the tv on to watch sports and I wanted to journal but felt it pass.
Lately my relationship with the Lord has felt very dreamy. And by dreamy I don't mean pretty and fantasy like, but I reminisce on how our relationship used to be and I long for it again. I'm not exactly sure whats holding me back from the whole waking up early, being healthy, quiet time old version of myself, but it's taking a lot more disciple to do it now then it did back then. Maybe because I'm on auto pilot and I feel fine and I'm not in need or want and I just am not in a place where I feel like I need to be closer to the Lord. Which is so horrible. and so lukewarm and probably disgusts jesus.
when in reality i have so much i need to draw closer to him about.
the salvation of my brother
my health and preparation of my body for a baby
katey and patrick - katey's health and pat's job
dan and rach going to angola
my parent's relationship
daves job
my future
right now I feel distracted because dave turned the tv on to watch sports and I wanted to journal but felt it pass.
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